the unrelentinG

2011-06-23T04:10:00.002+08:00

i wish i could run away.
from everything.
just me myself and the road.
but the rain pours.
and the thunder rips the sky.
so still i sit here.
running around in my own mind.

2011-06-21T03:33:00.001+08:00

today i tasted the paste that was not white.
nor black.
but in between.
no it was not the grey area.

(and you say until the hougang one so nice. i want to try it someday)

2011-06-21T01:42:00.002+08:00

"I suppose we could just stand at the bottom and bellow his name until he answers," said Artus, appearing at the galley door holding a tray heavily laden with food. "At least, that's how I used to call the Green Knight when he left me at the bottom of the Wishing Well on Avalon."

"They really put you through it, didn't they?" said Charles.

"You have no idea," said Artus. "They claimed it was 'knightly training', but I think it was mostly to keep me out of the way when they didn't need any work done."

"Why do you call it a Wishing Well?" asked John. "Was is magic of some sort?"

"No," said Artus. "I just call it that because I spent most of my time in it wishing I as someplace else."

-Here There Be Dragons

hahahahahahahaahhaha!

2011-06-20T13:33:00.001+08:00

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

2011-06-20T12:56:00.005+08:00

the little blue bird.
sat on its perch.
and tried fluttering its wings about.
wanting to fly.
but it didn't.
it couldn't.
it was stuck.
it wanted to be like the other birds!
free.
but it wasn't.
for this little bird was different.
it wasn't made of the same stuff as other birds.
wood was its wings. wood was its beak.
and its wings only moved when the wind came along.

2011-06-19T01:38:00.002+08:00

'I shall pass this way but once. Therefore, any good that I can do or any kindness that I can show, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.'

2011-06-18T23:12:00.002+08:00

things to think about.

it is impossible for something to be both true and untrue.
it is always either. or.
so a half truth doesn't exist.
you either believe or you don't.
hm.

the problems WILL still be there.
but the attitude you have toward it is no longer the same.

say NO. when you have to. prioritize.
like.
say no to betting for popcorn.

2011-06-18T03:47:00.002+08:00

well. what i wrote below was found sitting around as a draft.
apparently i had not posted it.
well then again it looks incomplete. and thats probably why.
but its going up anyway.
as a side note.
the blog has made its way past its 500th post.
yayyy.
-.-

and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S5caRGpK4
starring that guy from himym again.
warning! this is abit more crude than the other one.
so you might not like it.

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. once more.
maybe this post won't be as entertaining as the last few.
maybe it will.
you wouldn't know till you get to the end of this thing.
and between now and then i'll try my best to remind you.
of the fact that i AM a t-shirt.
and yes if you haven't noticed i have already started on that.
=)
awesome.
annnndd annnywaayyys.
i really don't know what to write this time. its like i have a lack of that elusive hmm. what do you call that. oh yes. inspiration. i can't believe that i actually forgot that word for a moment. goes to show how my brain is not exactly functioning that well. if it were i wouldn't be even typing down stuff like this would i. or would i?
hahahahah. yay.
i'm sorry that you have to sit through this babble.
incoherence. is. overtaking. me.

2011-06-18T01:35:00.004+08:00

zits is awesomely funny.
seriously.
the authors must be some super smart people.
to be able to repeatedly make people laugh.
or maybe its just that i laugh easily.
dam.
and now my family must think i'm crazy.

2011-06-17T12:06:00.002+08:00

With that she departed, slipping into the library's shadowed depths. Eragon blinked.
Is it me, or is everyone on edge today? Like Arya-one moment she's angry, the next she's giving me a blessing!
No one will be comfortable until things return to normal.
Define normal.

lol define normal. HAHAHAHAHA.

2011-06-17T03:45:00.002+08:00

because sometimes logic alone cannot decide.

2011-06-16T04:52:00.001+08:00

"In house churches we have little to hope in but our God. In America, you have much to hope in besides God. None but he can bear the weight of your hope. But that is often forgotten. The test of prosperity is not easily passed."

2011-06-15T02:37:00.003+08:00

hahaha. happened to come across this while i was youtubing(it is extremely hard to stop once you've started.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uB-lXFfIvU&feature=watch_response

then again you might have already watched it before.

2011-06-14T12:45:00.002+08:00

Ben thought about his poor unsuccessful roommate, whose professional dreams had been dashed, who made a hundredth of Ben's income and now sat in some godforsaken jail. What shocked Ben was the particular feeling he had toward Quan at this moment. He felt envy.

"But then, to top it off, I come over to China, wealthy and successful, and at first i feel sorry for my old roommate when i find out he's a poor locksmith's assistant and all his dreams have turned to ashes. See, Quan, I own the house you dreamed of - a couple of them, to be honest. Compared to me, you have nothing. But then i look at Ming and Shen and how they adore you, and I'm jealous. You're in jail, they're beating you up, and somehow I find myself wishing I had what you have. Compared to you, I'm the one who has nothing."

someone who seemingly has nothing.
someone who seems to have everything.
yet nothing is what it seems.
because even with nothing, someone knew he had everything.
and in what he thought was everything, the other found nothing.

2011-06-14T03:30:00.003+08:00

"I've always thought i might end like my father and great-grandfather...but not you, not Shen."

Yes, he'd dreamed a hundred times of holding Ming's bloody body, but he'd always prayed it would not happen. Quan covered his face with his hands. He felt a small, strong grip on his arm.

"Are we not Zhu Yesu's also?" Ming asked. " Are we not his called and chosen? Why should we not walk the way he has chosen for you? Why should you be considered worthy and not us?"

It has always been this way. Whenever she weakened, he was strong for her. Whenever he weakened, she was strong for him.

2011-06-13T23:29:00.001+08:00

Ben flipped through the pages. "It's been out in the rain."

"No. Always it was carefully covered. Mother bundled it up before doing outside. We do the same."

"But the words are smeared in many places," Ben said.

"It was not the rain that smeared the words."

2011-06-13T12:55:00.003+08:00

"When i decided to leave Harvard, I told you China was my home, not America. I was only half right. I was right that America was not my home but wrong in thinking that China was."

"What do you mean?"

"China is my place of service. It is the battlefield where Li Quan has been dispatched as Yesu's soldier. But this is not my home. Heaven is my home, my true country. I know that now. But it was a hard lesson to learn."

temporary home huh.
a battlefield.
i guess we have it easy.

2011-06-12T01:03:00.002+08:00

for your entertainment. yet again.
hurray!
this is the third installment of the fye series!
and today, we shall explore a few questions which may or may not determine your fate.

1) what is the difference between a smiley face. and a sad face.

2) is it possible to break a 2 slippers within a year.

3) what is considered a few.

okay now that we've set the agenda for this episode,
lets begin with NUMBER ONE.

1) what is the difference between a smiley face. and a sad face.
okay so what exactly is the difference? one has a downward curve for a mouth. and the other an upward one.(no this is a different idea from the legendary Legend of the (tu) and (r))
so is the difference the feelings that cause the expression? maybe. feelings do cause lots of different expressions (maybe they actually do cause ALL expressions. maybe)
is it just the difference in the curving of the mouths? MAYBE(then again what makes a smiley curve happy. and a sadface one sad.)
no not really.
in FACT. it is all about the eyes. you see. the difference between :) and ):
you don't even have to change that curve.
its just where your eyes are.
its the eyes which are important. so whatever CURVE you're DOING WITH YOUR MOUTH. the smile has NOTHING to do with it. and EVERYTHING to do with your eyes.
so smile with your eyes, and it'll be contagious.

2) is it possible to break a 2 slippers within a year.
that is of course a very tricky question.
we have to separately analyze 1, the difficulty in breaking the slipper. and 2 the credibility of the time frame. but of course we shall ignore all of that. and TELL you. YES it is possible.
for example.
someone broke a pair of slippers in his first semester in uni. it broke somewhat quietly as the owner was sitting in a tutorial class trying to learn(okay. whether or not he succeeded there we shall not say). but it broke. and the owner walked back to hall barefoot(oh it was quite a long walk alright). and observed how people observed him(people usually scanned from the top down. and get a shock when they don't see footwear).
and within a year(we estimate it to be 365 days) this SAME someone. was making a trip back home after dinner. this time. the slipper gave way while he was walking. and yes. he yet again walked barefoot. but for only the 100 or so metres to his home. lucky him.
so yes. it has been proven that it IS in fact possible for such a feat of slipper breaking.

3) well. since i've led you around so much already. i'd just tell you the answer to this one.
THIS IS.

with that we shall end this episode on the discussion of a few questions that may or may not determine your fate.
(look out for the next installment. fye. once more.)

2011-06-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

Ben saw the string of blood on his finger, wiped it on his coat, then put it to his mouth. He stood there watching and listening and yearning. Hearing these prisoners singing, he felt for a moment he was in the presence of Joy itself, as if it was almost within his reach. Almost.

'One man stands inside prison and is free. Another man stands outside prison and remains in bondage. Is this not true, Ben Fielding?' -Quan to Ben Fielding

what is freedom? what is joy.
suddenly these words don't mean the same as they meant.
hm. its getting interesting.

2011-06-12T00:36:00.003+08:00

go fly a kite

Definition from Wiktionary, the free dictionary

English Verb

(idiomatic) To go away; get lost; leave. (Typically imperative.)
A guy came to my door selling some weird coupon subscription. I told him to go fly a kite.

yes that is the definition for flying a kite.
and that we did.
in fact. we flew 2.
so we had actually gone away/gotten lost/left, twice.
yay (though i have to raise a point. i find it very funny that people who go away/getlost/leave all congregate at the same place.)

2011-06-11T02:50:00.004+08:00

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AGAIN.
hello. and yes. i'm back with the next installment. isn't that wonderful(i know it is. you have to agree with me. say yes. SAY YES NOW. OR ELSE. okay good. ahhh. i knew we'd all agree eventually =))

so i was standing along with a bunch of my friends outside this restaurant. and there was this long queue out side it. not your usual snaky image of a queue. but more of a huge shifting mass of people. many people. waiting for their turn to wreak havoc on the food. okay. maybe i was part of this mass but that of course is already drifting away from our story here. so yes i stood there with my friends. and what would catch my eye but a FREE POSTCARD STAND. it stood nonchalantly in its little corner. feeling kind of left out by the fact that everyone was more interested in the restaurant. and so i took the 4 steps that brought me right infront of it. and then i looked at the postcards it was holding. for they were of many colours. some bright. others dull. but all of them had their own story to tell!
the starbucks postcard had a reddish tinge to it. it boasted a strawberries and cream frapp on its face. but no. the postcard is NOT all that it seems to be. for it was MORE than a postcard. beside the sweetly appetizing picture of the drink there were 2 lines that made it mean so much more. for any 2 frapps purchase. you get a third one free. and yes. it is true. this postcard has a double life. do not judge it because of that. for a free drink at starbucks is always welcome.
and then of course there was the colourful postcard. it sported the colours of the rainbow! but no it wasn't a rainbow. that was what drew me to picking it up. and picking up that particular card had another surprise to it. it contained the entire time schedule of the youth festival. interesting enough.
but not enough to hold my attention for i was quickly drawn to another card!. this one had a pair of jeans emblazoned across its face. but the point was not the jeans. it was how the jeans were shown. they were in an oddly weird shape. as if someone scrunched the jeans up and rolled it together. upon flipping the card, i found out it was meant to be something else altogether! it was in the shape of our liver. encouraging anyone who picked it up to. well. donate the liver!
of course there stood in the stand many different other postcards.
but the first three that caught my eye were another three. that of course belongs to another story.

i believe i've managed to waste a substantial amount of your time by typing that in.
as such. i shall now strive(hahahahaha striving) to waste yet another chunk of it.
if you will please follow me down this rabbit hole then.
ohh well. the rabbit is in.
we gotta go somewhere else.

on a side note. the dallas mavericks just beat the miami heat to put themselves in the leave 3-2 in the best of 7 series. GO MAVS(it is quite apparent that the team i support do not hail from miami)
and do check this video out. it is epic. hahaha
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story/_/id/927183/italian-keeper-left-red-faced-by-penalty-kick?cc=4716
that was hysterical. no seriously. LOL. and it stood. perfect example of don't count your chickens before they hatch. don't count on the ball to stay out when it hasn't stopped moving. premature celebrations by the keeper were prematurely cut as the ball bounced into the net.

why not we try this rabbit hole?
i wonder if the rabbit is in.
oh and now i'm on chapter 22 of your book. its pretty exciting so far. but i believe i have to go to sleep soon.
okay. enough with rabbit holes.
we'll go down them another day.
and if you read this before i replied your email, i'm still in the process of replying. if not. then ignore that sentence that goes and if you read this before i replied your email, i'm still in the process of replying.

and i shall be the irritating t-shirt that i am.
i still do not think that you are ugly when you make funny faces.
HAH.

2011-06-10T23:55:00.002+08:00

'When men know they cannot hope in a country, in a political belief, or in themselves, they become free to hope in God.' -Quan from Safely Home

2011-06-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

"Dr. Martin Luther King said 'If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare composed poetry. He should sweep streets so well tht all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, Here lived a great street sweeper, who did his job well.'" -Quan from Safely Home

2011-06-09T15:46:00.001+08:00

shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks but actually likes them?
-ted from himym

2011-06-09T00:43:00.005+08:00

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
so it shall be that the post will be filled with nonsensical whatnots and idon'tknowwhatsgonnahappenbuti'lljustwrite stuffs.
and thus begins the journey. that will eventually end. but i have no idea when it will. as most of my nonsensical posts go. the journey will end abruptly. don't worry. it isn't ending yet. it still has some way to go. at least thats what i believe. but then again of course not everything will go according to what i believe. so maybe it might end here.
NOT.
LOL. so there was this friend of mine. who went on google to find. a method to tone her thighs. yes. now that might seem very absurd. and yes i too am perturbed. but that she did. and lo and behold. it came up with this. go ROLLERBLADING. wow. what awesomeness. and so she did. but at the end of the day. after blading and blading away. she found that her thighs did not feel any more defined. and so. i told her. the BIGGEST SECRET OF ALL TIME(for definition of thighs). yes. me. i told her. and you shall be privileged with this knowledge too(for you will now read what i said to her in the next line i write). i told her to use markers to define them.
moving on.
today i went to this huge complex maze. it wasn't really THAT huge. but it was that huge(yes the capitalization of the alphabets make a huge difference). and the thing about it was that it was not only huge. it was crowded(now THATS alot of people). okay. sort of. who needs a jungle to get lost in. when you have these complexes. plus the fact that jungles are so empty(of people). makes things all the more easier. yup. moral of the story is.
actually there isn't one. this isn't even a story.
annd. so we have come to the epic finale.
the legend of the turtle and the rainbow.
once upon a time. there lived a rainbow. he/she(how would i know what gender the rainbow is) was born on a sunny yet rainy sunday afternoon. he was named. rainbow(ohhh. how hard was it to guess). so rainbow took its place high up in the sky. making a sadface arc like all good rainbows do. and it wondered to itself why was it making a sad shape if it were a happy thing.
and from waaaaayyyy up high the rainbow spotted this tiniest littlest turtle swimming in the great blue sea. but this turtle was not swimming normally. it was doing a turtle backstroke(wherein the turtle is upside down. paddling on its back).
so rainbow asked the turtle. 'heyyyyy! why are you swimming so weirdly?'
and the turtle(aptly named turtle) replied 'well. its because you look like a smiley when i do!'
and rainbow was happy.
for the little while in which rainbow lived was a happy while.
and rainbow and turtle lived happily ever after(for a little while)
yes. so ends this epic finale.
and no i do not know what the moral of this story is either.
go google it.
or something.
goodbye.
i wonder how many mbfs i've earned for this.

2011-06-08T00:57:00.002+08:00

just some of the stuff that caught my eye.

'i used to think that family was a right. but it's not. it's a privilege and it has to be earned.'
-marshall from himym

'maybe this isn't a breakup. maybe this is just two friends getting back together'
-robin from himym

'the moment i began to love you was the moment when you saw your fiddle smashed on the ground, and you turned away from me and cried against your horse. Your sadness is one of the things that makes you beautiful to me. Don't you see that? I understand it. It makes my own sadness less frightening.'
-brigan from Fire

2011-06-07T18:48:00.002+08:00

there's this architecture story about this architect who designed a library.
it was perfect.
but every year the building would sink a couple of inches into the ground.
eventually the building was condemned.
the architect forgot to account for the weight of the books.
-ted from himym

hmm was just thinking. how in the grand scheme of all things,
the detail that seems insignificant(and easily overlooked) might actually have a large part to play in everything.
no matter how grand that library looked on the outside,
there was something wrong on the inside.

2011-06-07T02:19:00.002+08:00

and today questions were asked.
in every direction they went.
some from me. some of me.
and some for me.
and yet at the end of it all.
the most important ones weren't asked.
the ones i had to ask myself.

2011-06-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

"true," she said, "always. i've always had dreams of horrible things that are true."

He was quiet. He rubbed the back of his head. "It's hard to wake from a nightmare when the nightmare is real."

2011-06-06T13:02:00.003+08:00

just a (not so little) something i saw on a random blog.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
- bob marley

2011-06-05T23:03:00.002+08:00

she stood and stared at the place where he'd just been. And tried to shake off the eerie sense that he had just answered something she'd thought rather than something she'd said.

2011-06-05T01:22:00.001+08:00

you may think that your only choices are to
swallow your anger,
or throw it in someone's face.
there's a third option.
you can just let it go.

-ted from himym

2011-06-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

friendship is an involuntary reflex.
you can't help it.
it just happens.
-ted from himym

2011-06-04T13:45:00.002+08:00

if you've lived your life thinking one thing,
it'd be pretty devastating to find out it isn't true.
-barney from himym

2011-06-03T22:50:00.001+08:00

what do you do when someone is sad because of you.
not sad because of this and that and everything.
but because of you.
and this someone is not just anyone.
but someone very important to you.
what would you do?

i don't know about you.
but i'd try to make sure the sadness goes away.
and doesn't come back.

so let me give that a chance.
and think everything through again.
for nothing yet is set in stone.
this at least i can promise.

ps. don't go thinking too much about it. coz if you weren't worth it. i wouldn't even care actually.

2011-06-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

this just a stop. on the way to where i'm going.

2011-06-02T22:00:00.003+08:00

it was interesting how the x-men movie turned out.
i thought that it was alot about acceptance.
how powerful being able to accept others for what they are is.
how much people yearn to be accepted.

2011-06-02T11:16:00.002+08:00

from something i just happened to watch.

'can we skip the apologies. and go straight to the forgiving?'

saying sorry is the easy part. bringing yourself to forgive thats a whole other story.
then again. saying sorry isn't even easy in some situations.
forgiveness must be pretty rare. and hard to come by.
if someone says sorry to you. you know you mean something to them because they're trying.
if someone forgives you. you must be special to them.

2011-06-02T01:07:00.007+08:00

today the sky went crazy.
at first it looked like just a drizzle from within the train.
but when thunder started rattling the glass panes at the library.
it wasn't funny anymore.
HAHAHA. okay in retrospect it was.
(oh c'mon. rattling glass panes! thats like right out of some horror book.)
epic storm(well at least by singapore proportions)
which i believe the sky has been saving up for the past few days.
it recently(at least from what i've observed) has a habit of doing this.
going SO HOT for like super long.
and letting it all out at once.
its like saving it up.
for one big one. lol.
well okay that aside(yes epic storm. that is ALL the space you're gonna get. i'm sorry. but you were just that epic. not THAT epic. okay maybe you've managed to squeeze out a few more lines. but yeah. thats it.)
today was a pretty boring day. other than the fact that i talked about so many different things and now have so many different thoughts it's half crazy. yes only half. the other is still sane, discerning and making all the less important decisions.
well. it pretty much always starts with a simple hi. and then it goes on and on and on. haha. which is pretty cool. its like it evolves as it grows. twisting past this and speeding past that. each line unraveling yet another story. yet another decision. yet another question. and every line holding some meaning to one or the other. each discussion seamlessly flowing into the next. punctuated here and there by breaks. things to do.
some of the things i already knew about. but its just the power of another voice to put those lessons in BOLD. a reminder of what i have learned. and to actually learn from the lesson. not just know the lesson. to see what is actually important. and what is not.
how acceptance is a necessary first step for change to actually happen, how it should actually work both ways. and how. maybe. love will come along to show you that change is overrated(sometimes).
love being a commitment and not a feeling.
how being imperfect is the thing that we excel in. its like how all of us only have one wing. and to take flight, we need to learn to complement each other.
yes today i got into this incessantly moving box.
along the way i met perception. and friendship. laughter. love. and maybe a little of someone's best friend. a little of someone else? and perhaps myself.
and for that i'm thankful.

for now i'm getting off.
but i'll be back soon.
for the maple leaf books are still in progress.
and there's still many pages to fill.

(is it vague? haha then again you already know everything. and this is just vague to everyone else. lol.)

2011-06-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

so what do you define as liking someone?

2011-05-31T01:37:00.001+08:00

BITE

2011-05-31T00:06:00.002+08:00

at the end of all that was said.
there was silence.
no not that cool awkward silence of strangers.
this silence lingered in the air comfortably.
as if it in itself were a conversation.
one without words.
yet fully understood.

2011-05-28T14:00:00.002+08:00

you know something.
i keep finding myself in the same situations.
and the obvious finally said hi.
haha.
the obvious is the hardest to spot.
common sense is not that common.
well i realized.
if it keeps happening to me.
it has to be my fault.
i must be the one who keeps putting myself in such situations.
and like a friend said.
you are who you are. you can't change it(not that quickly anyway).
so i guess.
i'll always be here.
until the day it becomes too much.
and maybe then i'll break.
and change.
and i'll never come back again.

2011-05-28T01:03:00.002+08:00

disturbing.
not to say the least.
the plan.
the execution.
the twist.
the eventuality.

shiveringly so.

one for sadness.
two for joy.
three for a wedding.
four for a child.
five for sickness.
six for death.

2011-05-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

'i know alot about love. i've seen it. centuries and centuries of it.
And it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable.
all those wars. pain. lies. hate.
made me want to turn away and never look down again.
but to see the way that mankind loves.
you could search the farthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.'

-yvaine from stardust

2011-05-25T01:16:00.001+08:00

maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

2011-05-23T21:19:00.003+08:00

each time.
the walls go up higher.
i wonder when i can grow strong enough to bring them down.

2011-05-21T05:43:00.002+08:00

quietly. silently. subtly.

away i walked.

away they walked.

away we walked.

thoughts far away.
yet intertwined.

ever further apart.
yet even closer.

2011-05-19T03:05:00.002+08:00

when you take 2 steps forward.
and slide one back every time,

it may seem slow.

but still you're moving forward.

and at the end of the day,
you'll still be there.

2011-05-16T21:34:00.003+08:00

let me tell you a secret.
if you stare at a bag of ice long enough.
you'll generate enough heat to melt it.
go ahead and try it if you don't believe me.
well. that aside.
typing away here again.
on yet another occasion. is it?
or is it not. maybe things weren't meant to be that way.
maybe they were.
who's to say what's to happen.
if it all ends before it begins.
then whats there to everything.
would anything matter anymore.
or would i fall before nothing.
fall into nothing.
fall and become nothing.
so maybe i'll take the chance.
to make something out of nothing.
and hopefully if it all comes down to nothing.
i would already have found a little something.
thats all there is to it isn't there.

2011-05-13T03:29:00.000+08:00

this is going to be one complete incoherent babble.
yes i am warning you.
well. lost thinking about stuff. that seems to be how writing on the blog is. always thinking writing. penning down word which don't mean much. i really have no idea where i'm headed this time. its pretty much a very sad story again. i don't like sad stories. do you? maybe no one likes them. but they will appear. they will be experienced and they will no longer just be vivid imaginations. what was i to say. i never understood what was happening. its kind of saddening when you try. and then it does not work. not once. not twice. it goes on and on. like the carousel in sick cycle carousel. its one sick cycle. and we're not getting off it for awhile. wish i could though. wish. the one with the magical tinge to it. the special sounding one. and hope. the one that has a more it wouldn't happen feel to it. hopefully. i can get something done later. i think i might actually be feeling tired. but nothing ever happens. and i still try to study. why am i typing all this. why am i sitting here in the corner of the room. staring. i wanted to say 4 walls. but it isn't that. its this screen i am furiously typing away to. i wonder what has become. how can words that others say become so strong. its sad when friends can no longer be friends. and when it all begins to feel randomly distant. it only is awkward if you make it so. really? never knew that. maybe it has some truth to it. maybe. then again it might not and we would just be misled. this whole thing is just sweeping past for me. yet it doesn't seem to come out right with you. and it doesn't seem to want to resolve things. eventually everyone will move on. certain times you would have that nostalgic feeling about the past. this feeling. it can only come around when you've moved on. else it would not be called nostalgia. more of seriously sad. yes. so did i end up making any sense to you? i'm very well sure of the fact that i have not. might i hazard a guess. answering my own question. how very original. then again. the questions were meant to be stupid. ohwell. this verbal diarrhea has to come to a close sometime. well i was thinking why not now. really.

2011-05-11T02:54:00.002+08:00

so it was to be.
that it was never meant for me.
a thousand words.
or was it just one.
painting a hauntingly beautiful picture.
the streaks of tears made up of fears.
and all the time lost in between.
will we ever make it.
or will we never.
shall we just leave it up to fate?
and hope that its isn't too late
that it's never too late.

2011-04-26T00:59:00.003+08:00

hi don't get me wrong(oh you have no idea how easy it is to)
but i would like to sincerely, from the deepest depths of my heart,
express my utter and absolute dislike(i seem to love understating stuff) for mathematics.
and why is that so you may ask.
why?
well isn't mathematics simple? all it requires is just practice.
lots of practice.
see the flaw in that statement?
LOTS OF PRACTICE(i mean duh. but if you couldn't see it i do not blame you whatsoever. its alright. you just do not see it for the monster that i think it is).
which roughly equates(how ironic.) to lots of time spent on it.
and to what ends?
that too my friend is an extremely apt question.
I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER.
or else i would have a reason to be doing mathematics.
and it in itself would not seem such a UTTER waste of time and space(i swear mathematics ranks waaaaaay up there in terms of tree killing costs. its just nobody ever bothers to check. because maths is a must).
yes. which brings me to my point.
WHY. (i'm banking on the fact that you might actually have a clue. then again maybe i'm asking too much)
please do inform me if you do.
i shall be eternally grateful to you(how long is eternal man.)

thank you very much.
i hope(i can't say you will. you may have to encounter mathematics.)
you have a nice day.

2011-04-22T16:59:00.001+08:00

a box of random stuff from a faded period of time.

2011-04-09T01:40:00.003+08:00

if all was said and nothing pretend.
we might even be each other's friend.
but it never ever stays that way.
people are people and eventually they sway.
and when it all comes down to this.
tell me. who will you really miss?

2011-04-08T11:17:00.001+08:00

you know whats good about quoting song titles?
they sometimes say exactly how you feel.
but if people ask and you don't want to say.
you can just let them know its a song title.
nothing more.
nothing less.

2011-03-19T21:13:00.001+08:00

and maybe that alone will be enough.

2011-02-23T05:10:00.002+08:00

you know.
i was talking to chongzhi that day. and we were discussing how blogging has lost its allure.
well not totally. it just lost its staying power.
i'm still tempted to start typing.
but my fingers don't stay on the keys for long.
not for long.
because the mind wanders far away.
things that were to be typed are left wanting.
nothing is ever what it seems.
i'm here speeding across the keys because i feel as if i need an outlet
stress? no not really. but i guess its just people like me.
we bottle stuff up.
it has to go somewhere.
else like the coke can we'll explode with the smallest crack.
its 5.13am.
it ain't even 3 am.
that was a little while ago.
maybe i should have gone to sleep awhile ago.
i guess i should have. yet i didn't
and here i am. once again typing away.
it hit me hard how this place no longer holds anything for me.
nothing to fight for.
nothing to protect.
so i've got no reason to stay.
but i shall. like an empty shell. carrying on with routines.
routines.
till one day.
maybe. one day something will come along that is worth protecting.
that is worth giving my all for.
thats when i'll finally live again.
emotions will finally make me again.
for now i shall wait.
bide my time.
and bit by bit. fill this pages up.
till the day my life finds me.
or i find my life. whichever comes first.
for better not worse.

2011-02-11T04:59:00.002+08:00

hi. this was a story of an emotional young kid.
like i said. was.
it no longer is. why? i wonder too. if only all of us knew the answers to all the whys that we want to ask.
then there would no longer exist such a word would there.
so for the sake of our humble little why.
we shall remain ignorant fools with scarce knowledge.
shall we not digress?
and it no longer is.
i'm slowly losing sense of what i'm typing.
the time's both early and late.
my eyelids are heavy.
yet sleep still manages to evade me.
wonder. ponder.
think.

2010-12-18T13:35:00.002+08:00

its the first sem past.
maybe its gone too fast.
my little voice.
against time's own choice.
and when the veil is lifted.
with what will we be greeted.

i realized this.
sometimes its not about who you think is important to you.
but more about who thinks you're important to them.
those people
they should be the ones you're thinking of.
each and every step of the way.
as for the rest.
well.
just leave out all the rest.

2010-12-14T12:27:00.000+08:00

If we win, the following morning will be Tuesday, and if we lose, it will also be Tuesday.
-Jose Morinho

2010-12-11T12:45:00.002+08:00

when it gets dark.
don't be afraid.
look up.
look up.
the stars will light your way.

2010-11-25T23:06:00.001+08:00

if i give you my heart,
would you just play the part.
or tell me its the start,
of something beautiful.

2010-11-23T02:14:00.002+08:00

and thus begins the beginning of the end of the beginning.
nearing the end of my first(yes very first one!) semester in university.
which unfortunately also means that a certain entity widely known as examinations
are also nearing.
unfortunately.
and i realized something has changed.
i've been studying(woah. okay this was not the change i was referring to).
and the thing is. the information seems to keep disappearing.
it doesn't stay where it is supposed to.
damn.
talk about bad timing.
hopefully something will change in the next few days.
hopefully.
or else.

2010-10-31T01:49:00.001+08:00

keep the ones who are important and leave out all the rest.

2010-10-23T00:19:00.003+08:00

you know what.
i don't.
every single time i write here there is usually a reason.
not every time i'd tell you what it is.
unfortunately.
there there.
one day when all is said and done. you'd find out.
or maybe not.
but then again. what does it all matter.
this time i just might.

this is for a friend.
or is it for myself.
when it hurts just to watch.
the ghosts of the obscure past.
ethereally haunting.
misconstrued meanings.
dreams of scintillating sunlight.
darker than the darkest night.

a shadow of his former self.
a shell cracked. its insides shattered.
but time is always on the horizon.
as the tears carve into the stone.
we pick up the broken pieces.
and one by one we'll fix it together.
the tears will dry and no longer matter.
but never again will it be the same.
the scars to show in the lines of stone.

2010-10-22T03:48:00.002+08:00

its the hardest when you wanna cry but you gotta smile.

2010-10-03T21:39:00.002+08:00

the sound of footsteps hitting the road
the wind in my hair
the constant gulps of intoxicating oxygen.
the rest of the world in the back of my mind.

2010-10-01T17:09:00.002+08:00

finally. not a trace of rain as i type.
awesome stuff for a change.
well i'm just writing this down for logging down an interesting thought.
no not mine. but an interesting one anyway.
its about inception. not exactly the movie. but the idea of it.
its like putting an idea in someones mind.
it just growwwwwws. subconsciously our minds will tend to this seed.
its like weeds in a garden.
they just don't ever go away.
nice.
funny how our minds react huh. our subconscious will always rule our conscious abilities.
like if someone was to tell you not to think of a pink cow.
there. it just popped right into your head.

to know how to not do something.
one you must first know what that something is.
or two you must not have a figment of the idea.
nice huh. our minds act too fast.

n

2010-09-06T18:49:00.005+08:00

school has finally risen from the dead.

yeah. once again i can relish the awesome work(if you can't tell, i do not mean this at all. no not one single figment of it).

and i finally have my opportunity to do some homework(that which i have forsaken for all of recent memory.)

oh wait. you want to know why i'm back here typing away again?

guess what. its raining.

i guess when the sky pouring its heart out makes me want to do that too(yeah i don't believe this nonsense myself. how did i come up with this).

oh yes. another interesting fact.

i am currently residing in hall. in that faraway land of NTU. its almost as if it were another country altogether. insanity.

and no i do not have my room mate yet. no do not ask me why. it just happens to be so. maybe it'll stay that way(i wish). but things do not always go according to plan. wishes are called wishes because the bulk of them are not fufilled. thats why a wish has that magical element to it. that exhilaration when it actually gets fufilled is not something that comes by easy.

so yes. the whole gist of it is that i do not believe that it will stay this way.

unfortunately.

currently i am making myself extremely antisocial. its as if i'm living in this world of my own.

nice.

i wonder when i'll get sick of this.

incoherent typing is a trademark of my writing.

if you don't like it too bad =).

be back some day.

probably some rainy day.

rain rain go away.

2010-09-05T01:19:00.003+08:00

how removing your birthday information from facebooks benefits you.

1) it helps you differentiate between the people who KNOW when your birthday is. and those who just love to go on facebook.

2) it helps to weed out who STALKS you on facebook(to some extent). coz the people who post HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! on your wall are the ones who are 1), or they actually paid attention to your profile(for one reason or another).

3) it helps to eliminate excessive amounts of notifications.

(on the downside, if you reallly love getting the manymanymany birthday wishes, you'll be thoroughly disappointed)

2010-08-27T11:18:00.003+08:00

the sky is threatening to dump copious amounts of water.

and so instead of doing what i wanted. i'm here punching the keys and typing stuff down.

thats sufficient reason to get melancholic.

and theres the fact that its cold. and the people are trimming the grass, going WHHHRRRZZZZZZZBBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZ.

include the occasional rumble of the sky(its like baby thunder. in its infancy)

and you have an extremely unique way of spending the morning.

how pleasantly gloomy can it get.

2010-08-02T12:12:00.000+08:00

school's about to come back into life.
glhf everyone.

2010-05-23T12:11:00.002+08:00

i miss all the little things.

i'd never thought that they'd mean everything to me.

2010-02-10T10:53:00.002+08:00

so those 3 letters that meant so much have finally become reality.

it was an experience.

it changed me.

i shan't say anymore

2010-01-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

'but don't you think that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?'

-clare, from 'the time traveller's wife' by audrey niffenegger

2010-01-14T06:25:00.002+08:00

and so liverpool lost again.
the headlines will probably have it as a shocker and all.
but it was not exactly one.
its funny how we got used to losing.

you know how some teams don't show for some games.
like they're just off form and what not.
i wonder if its possible for a team to have a no show for an entire season.
liverpool are close to doing one.

belief is only possible if you had something to attach it to.
past seasons we were sometimes on the wrong side of results
but most of the time the performance was there.
we played with spirit.

not so.

you'll never walk alone?

2010-01-11T20:05:00.003+08:00

i started writing this to talk about a point that i was wondering about.
it is unfortunately/fortunately, about money(depending on your interests now you may like either so i shall abstain from choosing for you).
(go on. strike one option out)
so we stand before the notsofashionable entrance of the rabbit hole.
shall we go take a look? a little adventure maybe.
money.
i think money is really a funny thing(okay. maybe not literally laughably so).
it evolved(shells->metals->paper-> well a number on a screen) to something we can't live without.
yet most of the time(sometimes it makes things easier for you. but in turn someone else gets the problem) its just one big inconvenience.

for those who don't have it(i'm not saying i don't). well. they spend alot of their time looking for it (and by looking i mean working of course. not staring at the floor hoping to find some).
trying many means and ways(not all of them orthodox) to obtain it. inconveniencing themselves time and again(what were they thinking).
and its one big obstacle between them and the things they want or need. well. the price tag is.

for those who do(i'm not saying i do either). they spend alot of their time too. to protect it. inconveniencing themselves to. and many times the irony is that they give up money to protect money.
funny huh(i'm not saying that insurance is stupid, its just funny).
and well. they too spend most of their remainder time looking(again. not staring) for more of it.
this makes avarice appear innate. its like a natural instinct for greed and selfishness(this sounds foreboding. bear with me.). maybe it used to be useful when it was the survival of the fittest in the jungle(or yours might be more of the desert dwellers. or even caves). but right now. its just being another big inconvenience that we failed to evolve away. unfortunately the not selfish people didn't live long enough to tell the tale.

yup. so money is funny(maybe even abit on the comical side). see. it even rhymes. which makes it sound so much righter than it actually is(in actual fact. i've no idea why i just wrote that).

okay lets ignore the previous paragraph(i am contemplating deleting it) and get back to the point.
i wonder if we could ever delete money(like mouse left click drag and highlight all. hit the DEL button delete) and continue without it.
then again common sense would lead me to think that impossible(fortunately for me i don't have much of that elusive stuff so i shall wander around).
it would save(in my opinion at least) lots of administrative things(banks would disappear altogether! how cool is that.).
which would of course destroy many jobs and throw many into poverty and wreck the economy and blahblahblah(sounds pretty forlorn too).
so yup. we can't(i guess i do have abit more common sense than i thought. arriving at this conclusion without intending to).
i suspect that at this point you're getting pretty lost around the rabbit hole already(if you're still extremely clear on the way back out please do not hesitate to lead on).
so i shan't say much more.

lastly(yes i mean it.)
its a humble request.
please do come forward if you remember the way out.

please?

2010-01-09T01:10:00.003+08:00

it so seemed.

and so it seemed.

2010-01-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

and the unwritten shall remain unwritten.
but the thoughts still follow.

2009-12-17T15:57:00.002+08:00

you know somethings wrong when you feel lifeless at home and you haven't ord-ed.

i guess i know why i like to run.

away from everything.

just me myself and my music.

2009-12-14T23:34:00.003+08:00

don't get so caught up in remembering that you forget to live

2009-11-28T20:41:00.002+08:00

i wonder how my own Christmas carol would be like.

2009-11-15T20:57:00.002+08:00

i feel suffocated.
kinda.
but i guess they would be worse off.

how does an organization function if a huge chunk works on disincentives.
i guess thats why they have laws.

2009-11-15T20:50:00.002+08:00

you see. one day you'll grow up.
and then the rainbows will just be rainbows.
the cement mixers just like any other vehicle.
and you'll no longer be a boy.
you forget all this. and it just becomes all that.

2009-10-19T15:06:00.003+08:00

its funny how they say people who know less about something have more to say about it
and people who know more don't say so much about it.
and yes i'm just saying.
so i guess it says about me too.

2009-10-16T22:48:00.002+08:00

the moon may be huge and bright and fill up alot of the sky.
yet its the small stars who are there every single night.

2009-10-10T18:43:00.001+08:00

its just hard for my mind to comprehend.

its only human i guess.

2009-10-03T15:00:00.001+08:00

the most inconvenient thing about being a fish is the inability to scratch

haha. thats from a book i read.

2009-09-27T20:58:00.002+08:00

i wish i knew that i actually do have the time
to look at the sky everyday than always wishing
that i had the time to.

2009-09-19T23:07:00.001+08:00

it'll nvr be the same again.
i hope one day it'll all go away.

2009-09-10T00:14:00.001+08:00

the smaller coke bottle looked at the large 7up bottle.
and wondered why it was so tall.

2009-09-05T14:18:00.000+08:00

professionalism.
what an excuse for hypocrisy.

2009-08-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

today is the day i got lost in ikea.

2009-08-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

i've standing by the sidelines.
not getting involved in the game at all.
i know.
but i still don't know what to do about it.
i'll be floating around still.
for a little while.

2009-08-21T20:23:00.001+08:00

there once lived two poor men.
as poor as each other they were.
but as different as two people could be.

you see, one was full of spite.
anger. hate. and all the icky things that you'd rather not be.
he detested his plight.
he wished he had everything in the world.
gold jewels silk and pearls.
he hated those who were well to do.
for what they had he wanted too.

the other man was vastly different.
he loved to see to laugh to listen.
thankful for the sun so bright.
hearing the sounds and seeing the sights.
happier than others richer than he.
he was content with what he could be.

by chance these two met one wintry night.
the first glared angry, and grumbled about dinner.
the second smiled happy, and was glad he had supper.
the first saw a well to do man walk by in the chill
the second saw a beggar who wanted a meal.

and so it was that first met second.
and second dropped a coin to the first.
'here, get some warm food if you must.'
and whistling, the second man walked past.

looking at the coin the first hated his state.
'those rich men never know how hard a living is to make.'

never did he guess
that the second man was only as rich as he.
nothing more. nothing less.

2009-08-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

always remember
never forget.

never remember
always forget.

its funny how the first two mean the same
while the second pair don't exactly work out.
words are amusing.

2009-08-08T01:00:00.002+08:00

and so the older sister took her brother's hand,
craning to see what was over the counter at the soybean stall.
'errr...can i have...'

'1 Soyabean please. thanks'
a twenty-something guy just unceremoniously cuts her off.
and the innocent stall vendor hears only the impatient voice.
leaving the sister and brother to wait a little longer.

what a gracious society we have here.

2009-08-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

booking in again.
living life a week at a time.

2009-08-03T16:32:00.002+08:00

once upon a time there was a little star.
it wasn't little like the rest of the stars.
it was littler.
and it thought.
how nice would it be if i could become bigger?
so it stretched.
it pulled.
it tried and tried to make itself bigger.
but nothing ever happened.
it was still as little as before.
so it went to ask the moon.
and the moon didn't know.
it asked the star on its left.
and it did not help any.
finally the little star asked the sun.
and the sun happily replied.
"i'm a star too!"

that was when the little star finally realized
it was looking in all the wrong places
all it had to do was look a little closer to find out
that it was already the sun of its own sky.